|Apparently Jessica Chastain's the|
only one who really matters here.
Hello folks, welcome to Thursday at The Tagline! As promised, I got out to the theater and saw Mama, directed by NOT Guillermo Del Toro (he is just the executive producer big whoop), who brought us other movies that were weird and frightening, such as Pan's Labyrinth. This movie was directed by Andres Muschietti who I have no idea who he is, but he directed this movie and not Guillermo Del Toro, and deserves the credit. Let me tell you a little story. Once upon a time, a guy played by Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (hereafter referred to as Jaime Lannister, who he portrays in Game of Thrones) decided that he would kill his wife, and then drive his two very young daughters off a cliff in the snow, wander through the woods, find a creepy old cabin, and then kill them there. Alas, before he could make his grab for dad of the year award A nightmare specter murders him, but we can't get a good look because we see this through the eyes of the older daughter Victoria, who has lost her glasses. I was frankly relieved that he was savagely murdered by some vengeful monster-spirit, because I certainly did not want to watch a bullet emerge from the face of a dead 4 year old. The movie is PG-13, so I was pretty sure that wasn't going to happen, but still I was fearful. Anyway, so the girls are stuck in a cabin now, with this... thing, and its five years later before they are found, by some grizzled old guys on behalf of the girls' uncle, Jaime Lannister 2 (he is dead-dad's twin brother). Jaime Lannister 2 takes custody of the girls, despite the protestation of their maternal aunt. Along with Jaime2 is his girlfriend Annabelle (Jessica Chastain the only person important enough to appear on the poster apparently) who, who is presented to us as a really lame rocker lady with tattoos who plays bass for a band I imagine is called like V.J. Powerhouse or Vagiantess or something. The point is, they seem really lame. Under really shady, deeply unethical circumstances, Jaime2 and Annabelle are given a big house to live in with the girls by their psychiatrist who is obviously using them, to try and draw out a horrible crazy momghost. As you might imagine, this doesn't end great.