Year in Review: Top 5 of 2014

Hi folks! I thought that this week I would take a break from reviewing films to instead review my year at the movies, and to recount some of my favorite and LEAST favorite movies I saw this year that actually came out this year. I figured I would start off with my favorites first, and we can work our way from there to the shittiest movies I saw this year. I will give a short synopsis of each, and also link the full article if you want to compare my recollection now with my thoughts then. Maybe I've since changed my mind? Really who knows, I'm essentially delirious all the time. At any rate, bear in mind that I'm not saying these were the best movies that came out, just the ones I SAW, so don't suggest movies I didn't see. Also I saw lots of other good movies, but I liked these best. So shut up and enjoy the list. Without further ado I give you:

2014: The Top 5 Tagline Movies

Norwegian Wood

I think Japanese Wood is a more accurate name. For his boner.

"All that remains now is nostalgia."

Hello everyone, welcome to a new week full of spectacular cinema achievements, and also weird sex things. Okay if I'm being honest mostly weird sex things today, but that is absolutely NOT my fault! If you want to blame someone, blame Haruki Murakami, after all this was his doing! Today I'm going to talk about Norwegian Wood, a Japanese film based on a Murakami novel of the same name. This novel focuses on Toru Watanabe, a college-aged young man growing up in the 60s in Japan, and his relationships with the people around him, particularly two ladies, his troubled childhood friend Naoko, and a girl he meets named Midori. Naoko is portrayed by Rinko Kikuchi, who you probably saw in Pacific Rim as Mako. Here she plays an actual honest to god crazy person, and does a... very convincing job. She kind of alternates between calm quiet crazy and shrieking hysterical, so that is a fun experience. The movie specifically follows Toru as he makes his way in a listless daze through his life, attempting to figure out up from down and doing a kind of pisspoor job of it. A little bit more background on that though.

Garbage Truck Hat Trick: M Night Shyamalan

Why can't they just SEE how great I am?

Hi everyone! I thought I'd do something a little different today, and talk about a specific block of movies, rather than cherry-picking the worst. Now I admit, the director in question pretty much did my job for me in that regard, by going 0-3 in a row with the last 3 movies he directed (arguably the last four movies he directed, but I'm giving some leniency here). I'm talking of course of the illustrious M. Night Shyamalan, a living example of the consequences of tremendous hubris, as if he were trying to make ancient Greek myths come alive before our very eyes. After his career making film The Sixth Sense (spawning bad spoofs and "I see ___ people" jokes for the rest of eternity) Shyamalan had a run of two more movies that I thought were good, those being Unbreakable (which I think is largely forgotten by most people, but not me because come on Bruce Willis) and Signs (definitely NOT forgotten by anyone). Those were pretty damned good movies, and things were looking bright for the future of a new director. Alas, like the child actors of the 80s and 90s, perhaps M. Night got a little bit too big for his britches, and that began to manifest in his demands for 'artistic leeway' in the production of his later movies, and his absolute rejection of any criticism of himself or his movies, ever ever ever. Before that point, he made The Village which... okay. So I didn't like The Village. I thought the whole premise, and again its "twist" ending, were not very interesting, but I'll allow that it wasn't a simply horrendous movie. It was terribly marketed, as a scary movie that was really just a sort of unusual drama movie with some occasional jump out at you moments. So I can at the very least, forgive The Village. What followed... not so much.

Now we get into it for real:

Silver Linings Playbook

Quirky font on the poster? Sign me up!

"Watch for the signs"

Hello all, welcome back to The Tagline! Over the weekend I found out that my nearby theater was screening Silver Linings Playbook, which previously I'd have had to see at the art cinema (for more money than I wanted to spend). I was thrilled and so immediately set off to the movies! Silver Linings Playbook (based on a novel of the same name) stars Bradley Cooper as Bipolar Pat Solitano (Bradley Cooper doing something that isn't making a Hangover movie, which is nice) who at the beginning of the movie is in a mental institution. His mother, at the protest of the doctors, arranges for Pat to leave the institution early, coming back home to live with her and Pat's also pretty crazy dad Pat Sr. (Robert De Niro), to try and get his life back together. We find out that Pat was in the joint because he walked in on his wife Nikki and a teacher from her school (an old dude at that) naked together in the shower, with Pat and Nikki's wedding song playing on a stereo. Pat reacted... badly, and beat the guy within an inch of his life, and had a wildly psychotic break. One can hardly blame him, given the circumstances, but it becomes readily apparent very quickly that Pat is not okay. His rambling speech, and outlandish delusions are clearly those of a bipolar if you've ever known a person with that range of disorders, and I thought it was good that they portray mental illness in a way that is not exaggerated or insulting. Pat's actions are meant to be amusing at times, but his illness is not.

Off-day

I didn't take Christmas off, so I am taking today as an off day. I'll be back with a review on Saturday, and here with an end of the year/new year review on Tuesday. It's been about half a year since I started this blog up again, and I never thought I'd have so many people reading it. So thanks to everyone for supporting my blog, and I hope you'll continue to stop by!

This is how happy I am right now.

Christmas Nightmare Double Feature

Hello all! Christmas is right around the corner, so I had decided I wanted to do a list of Christmas movies that were bad or just scared me. Then I realized that there were really only two movies I wanted to talk about. One was bad, creepy, and depressing. The other was just plain creepy. Actually I found it so unsettling that I didn't even want to watch it again for this post. Alas, duty drove me to it, so now I will share with you all:

PRE-CHRISTMAS NIGHTMARE
DOUBLE FEATURE

Lord of The Rings: A Retrospective

Hey everybody! Congrats, you survived another week of holiday season, and now it's the weekend. Today I want to take a moment to look back, at the original Lord of the Rings movies, in anticipation of The Hobbit, which hopefully I will be able to elbow my way into some time in the coming week. As I reflect, I will remark on plot, comparison, color commentary, and weird recollections about my high school life that I associate with these films (because I was in high school when they came out, and saw them... more than once let's say). Reviews and first hand reports about The Hobbit are already filling up the internet, but I'll reserve judgement until after I've seen it myself. So journey back with me now, into the distant past (about 11 years exactly) as I relive The Lord of the Rings.

The Lord of The Rings: A Retrospective

Unorthodox Buddy Cop Movies

Hello everyone! You've made it, it's finally the weekend, and for a rare few of you that might mean you don't have to work. For the rest of us, I have a special Saturday post, after two weeks of slacking off and just reviewing a third movie. I've been thinking about movies with cops in them, and that got me to thinking about the "buddy cop" genre in general. For those unfamiliar with the particulars, a buddy cop movie is at it's core about two dudes (usually law enforcement of some kind as the name implies) who team up to solve a crime or otherwise bring down the bad guys, despite dispositions or backgrounds that put them at odds with each other. This is a theme present in a ton of movies, though in more recent years it has almost exclusively appeared in either remakes, spoofs, or unusual entries into the genre. As fate and chance might have it, those movies which play somewhat against form tend to be my favorites. So now I will enumerate some of my favorite buddy cop movies, and everyone can keep their opinions about Lethal Weapon 4 to themselves.

On Latter Day Buddy Cop Movies

3rd Review: Skyfall

October 26th? Not in this country.

Hello guys, welcome to the weekend and The Tagline! This week I decided that rather than doing a top 5 list, I would do a third review, given that I just got out to see Skyfall, the new James bond film currently in theaters. No tagline for this one, Skyfall IS the tagline I guess. Skyfall is the third James Bond film starring Daniel Craig as Bond (the first two being Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace if you didn't see them) and these movies represent a kind of renaissance of the Bond brand. Casino Royale was a spectacular film, that gave the Bond franchise a new lease on life, by dropping the excessively lame punning, the goofy super weapons and silly gadgets, and replacing them with honest to god espionage. In doing so they also gave us a new Bond. Still charismatic, and sharply dressed (at times) but a real spy, a dangerous, possibly unstable individual who doesn't hesitate to pull the trigger, or do whatever it takes to get the job done. He spends a lot of time killing people, and getting beat up. Skyfall manages to raise the stakes again (and it really seems in the current movie climate that's always the name of the game) and pushes 007 to his limits.

My 5 Favorite Adam Sandler Movies

Hello and welcome to a very special Saturday edition of the Tagline! Today I decided that I wanted to do another actor top 5, and I thought "you know who's starred in roughly 5 movies I really liked? Adam Sandler!" Okay, so that's a harsh exaggeration, he's been in more than 5 movies that I really liked, but I'm going to give my top 5. I spent some time trying to sort out which went where, but I couldn't really make sense of the order except for the #1 movie, which is definitely my favorite. It is also worth mentioning that I really liked the movie Airheads, but I consider that more of a Brendan Fraser movie, and let's face it, the guy needs every good mark on his record he can get (he's already appeared on my hall of shame at least once here). So without further ado I give you!

My Top 5 Adam Sandler Movies

Top 5 CGI Family Movies

Hey everybody, welcome to a special Saturday edition of The Tagline! Wreck-it Ralph is currently in theaters, and while I still haven't seen it, I thought it would be nice to recount some of my favorite computer animated films that Disney now almost certainly owns the rights to, having purchased virtually every film company in existence (Ok that's not true and some of these are not Disney movies but so what). So on that note, let's go to the board with the:

My 5 Favorite CGI Family Films
(That I totally didn't tear up at the end of)

The 5 Dumbest Horror Movie Sequels

Happy Saturday everyone! Apparently the world is going to end in a horrific hellstorm for those of us living on the east coast, so I figured I should finish up my life's work today, by running down a list of the worst sequels to horror movie franchises ever. This has been my lifelong ambition. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but that is what I'm going to do today! Horror movie franchises are renowned for being not good, but some in particular take the cake. As franchises grow stale, and movie producers grow desperate to turn a dime, things take a turn for the really really dumb. These movies are all so worthless that I will list them in no particular order. They are all #1.

The 5 Worst Horror Movie Sequels

My 5 Favorite Spooky Spirit Movies

Welcome to Saturday on the Tagline! As we move towards Halloween I decided it would be appropriate to talk about some horror movies. For me one of my favorite types of horror movie to be freaked out by are movies that involve ghosts, spirits, and possession. I know what you're thinking, why those? Well I know some people are not big fans of movies involving spooks, and I realized it's because they don't believe in ghosts! Now believe might be a strong word for me. I wouldn't say I believe in them, just that the thought of an invisible intangible thing that can take control of my body while I sleep, drag me off and then make me kill myself and everyone around me is more than slightly upsetting. Once you allow for that as an even distant possibility, well then horror movies about spooky spirits become a lot less corny and freaky as hell. So I give you

My Top 5 Movies That Made Me Not Sleep For Weeks on End

Keanu Reeves Hall of Shame

Hey guys, welcome to the weekend at The Tagline! As promised, today we will take a moment to honor Keanu Reeves, and the numerous ridiculous roles he has played. For those that have somehow missed out on the heartthrob sensation that is Keanu "The One" Reeves, he had his first breakout hit on the big screen as a stoner named Ted in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. After that he was... still Ted for a while, in a tv series, and also a sequel to the original movie. That's a lot of Ted! After that he was in other movies, where he wasn't Ted, but he still often seemed like a stoner, because well... he's one in real life. Perhaps his best known role was as Neo in the in-retrospect-not-nearly-as-cool The Matrix. But I'm not going to talk about that (not the first one anyway). So without any more gilding of the lily, let's get to exposing Keanu's great shame, with his 3 worst movies. I could've made it 5, but I really want to tear into just these special 3.

Keanu Reeves' Hall of Shame

My 5 Favorite Tom Cruise Movies

Hey gang, welcome back to The Tagline! It's Saturday, and that means it's time for me to list some stuff probably (that's exactly what I'm going to do). You all undoubtedly are acquainted with Tom Cruise. He's a famous movie star, in countless movies that have grossed huge mountains of money (a long with a collection of less than great films). He's also a well known crazy person, one of many very, very rich people belonging to the church of scientology (it doesn't get capitalization). I'm not going to talk about all that crazy stuff though. Despite his... eccentricities (or perhaps because of them) Tom Cruise has played a lot of roles that I've really enjoyed. I want to go over my favorite 5 now. Bear in mind that I'm not saying these are the best movies he's been in necesarily, they're just my personal favorites.

MY TOP 5 FAVORITE TOM CRUISE MOVIES

My 5 Favorite John Cusack Movies

Welcome to the weekend gang! Today I decided I'd take a break from enumerating things that I hate, and instead make a list of things I like. John Cusack, as you may or may not know, first encountered success in the early '80s, working alongside other notable members of the so-called 'brat pack' in Sixteen Candles. He avoided the crash and burn of those others however, and unlike other teen stars of the 80s continued to have a career into his adult life. So now, I give you, my five favorite works of Mr. Cusack.

My 5 Favorite John Cusack Movies

The Top 5 Worst Bruce Willis Movies

Welcome to the weekend everyone! I decided that, given my history of praising movies starring Bruce Willis, it would only be right and fair to also highlight the worst movies he has ever made. Given that Mr. Willis has a career spanning some 30+ years of serious movie making, there are bound to be a few stinkers mixed in there right? Yeah, big time. So without further delay!

The Top 5 Worst Bruce Willis Movies

Premium Rush

JGL On a Bike: The Movie

"Ride Like Hell"

Welcome back to the Tagline! Today I'm going to be talking about the second movie I saw last week: Premium Rush. I honestly saw this movie as a bit of a lark. I'm not sure if it's just me, but it seems like everyone is up JGLs ass lately (especially the fangirls) and it's starting to wear on my nerves. That being said, I was pleasantly surprised. Despite its somewhat unusual premise, Premium Rush was actually very engaging and entertaining from beginning to end. If I were a complete tool, I'd probably describe it as "A white knuckle thrillride that will leave you on the edge of your seat." Fortunately I am not that big of a tool, so I'm not going to say any of that senseless shit. What I will say is that this movie is just like the lunatic cyclists in it. There is not an ounce of fat to it, it is all business from the time it starts until the credits roll.

The Worst of Nicolas Cage

Welcome to the weekend everyone, it's time for another special post from the Tagline! Today I thought I would deal with a very serious subject this weekend, bring it down a notch, and so I'm going to be talking about Nicolas Cage. Mr. Cage has wooed and wowed us over the years, as a variety of crazy people, doing very strange things. Sometimes however, those crazy people are not wowing or wooing. Sometimes they are just crazy people. Over the years the frequency of the latter category seems to have increased, and we have all begun to suspect I think that these are not characters at all, but simply Nicolas Cage, in real life. Without further ado, I give you!

THE Top 5 Worst Roles of Nicolas Cage

The Worst Of Videogame Movies: Part 2

I just couldn't let this priceless shot go to waste.

Ah, weekend at last! As promised, I return to the table for another helping of movie adaptations of video game franchises that make me want to throw up. Having exposed the most repulsive examples of this category from the 1990s, we now move into the 21st century, to find that, while attitudes may be changing, and effects may be improving, the situation is ultimately no better. To the contrary, I am firm in my belief that the top of this list is actually the absolute worst that the genre has to offer (other than Double Dragon, that movie was fucking awful). It's worth mentioning that I will not be including the resident evil movies on this list. I've already talked about them in the past and... frankly I don't trust myself to talk about them without having some sort of rage blackout. Back to the subject! I give you, with increasing horror: