Butter

The people aren't butter though. Just other stuff in the movie.

"There's going to be a meltdown."

Hey everyone, welcome back to The Tagline! Today I'm talking about Butter, a movie about sculpting things, out of butter, to prove that you're better than a nasty housewife, or a dirty stripper/prostitute. No really that is sort of what it's about. So a locally famous butter sculptor, Bob Pickler (Ty Burell) who has dominated the yearly competition for the past 15 years (because I guess people do that) is asked not to compete so maybe someone else can win. 10 year old Destiny (Yara Shahidi) who has been placed with foster parents Ethan and Jill Emmet (Rob Corddry and Alicia Silverstone) wanders into his exhibit of buttery prowess, and decides that she wants to take part in this years contest (because she's apparently good at sculptin' that thar butter). However she faces competetion in the form of Bob's awful wife Laura (Jennifer Garner ewwww Elektra ewwwww) who wants to win the competition as some sort of weird social supremacy marker or something I don't know she's horrible. To try and screw Laura because Bob still owes her 600 dollars for...services rendered, a stripperwhore named Brooke (Olivia Wilde, pics forthcoming) also enters.

I know, I could've picked a racier picture. Look it up
yourselves you pervs, this isn't a peepshow.

The contest obviously ends up being substantially less than cordial, as Laura stoops to measures one might consider very despicable, especially because she is trying essentially to beat a 10 year old orphan. I have no proof, but I suspect Jennifer Garner would do these things in real life if circumstances arose to allow her to. She is aided in her underhanded agenda by Hugh Jackman used car salesman in a cowboy hat. As you might have gathered simply from me describing it, the movie is pretty ridiculous, but in the good way (after all, unlike so many other movies I review on here, this movie is actually TRYING to be a comedy). Brooke, vulgar charmer that she is, rides everywhere on a little bike. Like it looks like she took her little brother's BMX bike or something. No matter how much of a dirty ho' she is though, she looks like a saint next to Laura, because hey, at least Brooke isn't trying to use dirty tricks to beat a small girl in a butter sculpting contest.

Oh ew gross she's trying to be sexy ewwww sick x_x

Also Rob Corddry makes a bid for world's most awesome dad. Unlike Children's Hospital, he isn't a crazy clown doctor, but he is a pretty cool and good seeming foster dad (don't get me wrong Alicia Silverstone seems okay too, but I'm still trying to forgive her for her involvement in Batman & Robin). He's supportive, makes lots of wry comments at the expense of others' foolishness, and he freaks out in defense of his adoptive daughter when Jennifer Garner and the butter police come along to ruin the day. You go with your bad self Rob Corddry. You don't honestly see much of Ty Burrell in the movie once things start going, he mostly serves a plot purpose, and leaves the heavy comedy lifting to other members of the cast.

Just look at those wise buttermen.

I would be remiss I suppose if I didn't mention that Olivia Wilde and Ashley Greene make-out for a while in this movie. That could be relevant information (Ashley Greene is playing Bob's daughter which would make that all very wrong, but IRL Olivia Wilde is only 3 years older than Ms. Greene so go ahead and look if you want). Also worth mentioning is Kristen Schaal's performance as Carol, a fan of Bob's who is as always really awkward and weird (though not as grossly sex weird as in 30 Rock certainly). Butter is currently on Netflix so definitely take the 90 minutes to watch it. I think you'll enjoy it!

That's all for today, I need to go and prepare myself for the upcoming release of Tom Cruise's Oblivion, which I dearly hope won't suck, because it would be nice to see a good movie this month.