Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Ah I see what they did there.

"What would you do to get out of debt?"

Would you have sex with Seth Rogan? Yeah me neither, I'd rather freeze to death in a ditch somewhere. Anyway hello and welcome back to the Tagline, where today I will be delving into the depths of despair and general grossness, when I review Zack and Miri Make a Porno. This film was Kevin Smith's attempt to capitalize on the success of movies like Knocked Up, which was okay I guess. Zack and Miri is about Zack (Seth Rogan) and Miri (Elizabeth Banks) two platonic friends and roomates who have really shitty jobs and generally despair inducing lives, who are trying to just pay rent and keep the power on through the winter, both endeavors that they fail at. After going to their high school reunion, and having weird and depressing encounters, Zack proposes that maybe shooting a porn wouldn't be the worst idea they ever had to make money, and really with the power off and them burning unpaid bills in a drum for heat, what more do they have to lose? Not much as it turns out.

This is all of my sexual fantasies come true.

Still, two people banging in an apartment lit by hobofire isn't going to quite cut it they decide, so they need some additional resources on hand. First Zack secures funding for the project, from his co-worker Delaney (Craig Robinson, see him fight the end of the world here) who uses his flatscreen TV money to instead fund pornography, in exchange for getting to look at lots of boobies, as the project's booby inspector. You see Zack dreams big, and he is looking for a full length feature that is just FILLED with the sexing. This requires additional talent, including stripper Stacey, who is their backdoor star, Lester "the molester" (that's Jason Mewes naturally) a submissive named Barry, and another lady who I think was also a stripper, and who can blow bubbles from her vagina, which I guess in this particular instance could be considered a handy talent. So go her. All that's left is someone to film, and thank goodness they have local no one Deacon (Jeff Anderson of Clerks fame; he was Randal) who literally has nothing better to do with his life, except beat people up at the local ice rink. Everyone is benefitting, Zack is creating JOBS. Take that Obama.

Oh man this is HOT TO DEATH YESS.

Naturally, because this is a Kevin Smith movie, the go to for porn film subject is a Star Wars parody, but after their set and props are destroyed by a wrecking crew demolishing the building they were using, Zack and Miri are forced to consider less upscale options, and decide to shoot their porno in the coffee shop where they work, when it's closed. Naturally the increasing issue as the movie goes on is that predictably, these "platonic" friends are not as much so as they'd like to lead you to believe. This leads to predictable complications in their mission to make all the humpings. That isn't really the point though. I'm not watching this movie for its touching portrayal of two dumbasses realizing they're in love by way of having sex on camera. I'm watching it for the stupid ass jokes.

Ladies and gents, our heroes!

Make no mistake either, this movie is as dumb as you would predict. Fortunately, it is also very funny, in a completely stupid and frequently pretty gross way. Also you will see Jason Mewes have sex with a pornstar so I mean that's something you should probably be ready for, I mean I don't know if there was actual penetration or whatever, but there may as well have been if there wasn't. As usual, Craig Robinson's dry delivery of jokes was hilarious, and Seth Rogan didn't make me want to kill him, which was surprising because I'm not his biggest fan in the whole world probably. Enjoy the ridiculousness, and while you're watching the movie try not to think about how mad Kevin Smith is that it didn't gross well. I think that it is not super surprising that a film where they talk about Revenge of the Shit, the all anal final chapter,  might not meet with widespread success. Kevin Smith apparently didn't feel that way, but then again he is kind of a giant man baby so there that is.

That's all for today! Join me again on Thursday for a Christmas nightmare.