Big Hero 6

If this were Star Wars it would be Big Hero
5, because droids don't have souls or rights.

*fist bump* "balalala"

Hello all, welcome back to The Tagline! Where sometimes we don't have taglines at all because poster makers can't even be bothered to half-ass their job. Instead they like... quarter ass their job. If you guys are wondering "From the makers of Wreck-It Ralph" is not a tagline! Do you even need a tagline anymore... I don't know did we ever? It's just sad, because it gives me one fewer thing to taunt for being terrible. Regardless, today is a brand new day and we'll be talking about a brand new movie! While I visited the NYC, and before I succumbed to the inevitable sickness that overtakes me as soon as I return, I went to the movies with my friends to go see Big Hero 6, because it looked fun and I like movies about robots fighting bad guys. Even robots that look like fat marshmallows! Who am I kidding, ESPECIALLY robots that look like fat marshmallows. So Big Hero 6 was a no-brainer for me, and I have to say I was not disappointed. So here's a little background. In this confusing post-comic future we live in, where Disney owns Marvel, the lines blur and even as people complain about the movies being full of nothing but sequels and remakes, the possibilities to me seem to be expanding. This is the case with Big Hero 6, a movie made by Disney, based on a Marvel comic of the same name (albeit pretty loosely). The movie focuses on Hiro, a 14-year old super genius who uses his talents mostly to hustle people out of their money in robot fights. Tadashi, his older brother, is concerned that Hiro is wasting his talents, and so helps to convince him to apply to the robotics program at his university. Hiro comes around to the idea pretty quickly, and submits an innovative microbot system as his application project to the university. This is great but certain events (that I don't want to spoil too much) derail his attempts to enroll and Hiro's bots end up being lost/destroyed. Hiro ends up befriending the medical robot his brother created, Baymax, and then accidentally discovers that his microbots still exist, and are being mass produced towards some nefarious end by a mysterious man in a kabuki mask.

Death to Smoochy

A heartfelt comedy about murder and cocks.

"Get ready for an unexpected hit."

Hello friends, welcome back to the Tagline, where movies are king and I am dubious about some of these taglines. I almost picked a different tagline for this movie, because there were some posters apparently circulating with "He's Big, He's Blue, He's Smoochy... and He's got to DIE!" which is funny because Smoochy is, in fact, pink/an argument could be made for light purple. What he is not is blue. That being said, the desire for his death definitely seemed to exist in this 2002 film about the corrupt dealings behind the children's entertainment business. Death to Smoochy stars Edward Norton (remember Red Dragon?) as Sheldon Mopes, a children's entertainer (and also smackhead entertainer) who hits the big time when he is hired to replace Rainbow Randolph (Robin Williams) who is fired after being caught by the FBI making deals with children's parents to get them on the show. The network decides to hire Sheldon, or more specifically Smoochy the Rhino, because he has a reputation for possessing unimpeachable integrity. This incidentally is not all rumor or speculation, the guy is a real boy scout. It can be difficult to keep up that squeaky clean shine though when you're in showbiz, especially with the guy you replaced plotting your downfall and the mob trying to muscle in on your game so that they can skim a tidy profit off of your success. Sheldon certainly finds this to be the case, and struggles to maintain both his personal integrity, and the quality of edutainment in his program, while the executives and criminal elements all close in on him.

Godzilla (2014)

The biggest, lizardiest building of all.

".."

Hey folks, hope your weekend was full of low altitude drops into extremely dangerous situations! I know mine certainly was, and it's all thanks to the arrogance of man, whose hubris knows no bounds. Welcome back to the Tagline, today I will be talking about the new Godzilla film that was just released, which I approached with a mixture of hope and deep fear. Much like any person who had endured a traumatic incident, I was fearful to approach something that was so reminiscent of the place where I had previously suffered. If you would like my complete thoughts on the matter, then please feel free to look over here. Anyway this film cuts a different path entirely, and is actually about a thing that you'd expect a Godzilla movie to be about, and not a bunch of assholes trying to blow up some weird looking Tyrannosaurus or something. This showed us that clearly the makers of 1998 Godzilla had no idea what the fuck they were doing. In addition to the 8 million other reasons why that movie was total shit, it was doomed from the start due to an inherent lack of understanding, about what people like about Godzilla. To wit, no one wants to watch a movie where Ferris Bueller and Leon the Professional team up to murder Godzilla and a bunch of Jurassic Park raptors. NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THAT MOVIE (okay someone might, but that's a totally different movie). It shows that the creators of that movie didn't know shit about Godzilla. Godzilla is not the bad guy. No one wants to see Godzilla get killed. We want to see him beat up OTHER MONSTERS and the city just sort of gets annihilated in the crossfire, because he's really big, and the other monsters are also big. Godzilla is the hero of the movie, make no mistake. Sure he maybe kills a lot of people, but he isn't TRYING to kill them. They're probably assholes anyway, why are they hanging around downtown with a 30 story tall lizard bearing down on them?