Breaking Dawn, Part II

Are you ready for this experience!

"The epic finale that will live forever"

Welcome to Thanksgiving week (or... nothing special if you don't live in the U.S. I suppose) A new edition of The Tagline is out today! I braved the rabid crowds Thursday at midnight, got lost in the dark, and finally arrived at a theater despite the growing cold I was developing, all so I could bring you my impressions of this, the final movie in the TWILIGHT SAGA!!! I knew that I couldn't allow myself to miss a movie that was guaranteed to fill me with unintentional amusement, and I didn't want to deprive you of that second-hand humor! Breaking Dawn: Part II continues the adaptation of Stephanie Meyer's final Twilight novel, a story that is 25% wedding 25% gross excessively long sex stuff that's really unsexy, 40% buildup, 5% a baby being eaten out of Bella's stomach, and 5% the climax never happening. How did the movie compare? Well Breaking Dawn: Part I was almost entirely the aforementioned wedding and gross sex stuff. Part II was also stuffed with gross RPatz KStew sexytimes, but also lots of that aforementioned buildup. What's that like huh?

My 5 Favorite Adam Sandler Movies

Hello and welcome to a very special Saturday edition of the Tagline! Today I decided that I wanted to do another actor top 5, and I thought "you know who's starred in roughly 5 movies I really liked? Adam Sandler!" Okay, so that's a harsh exaggeration, he's been in more than 5 movies that I really liked, but I'm going to give my top 5. I spent some time trying to sort out which went where, but I couldn't really make sense of the order except for the #1 movie, which is definitely my favorite. It is also worth mentioning that I really liked the movie Airheads, but I consider that more of a Brendan Fraser movie, and let's face it, the guy needs every good mark on his record he can get (he's already appeared on my hall of shame at least once here). So without further ado I give you!

My Top 5 Adam Sandler Movies

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

"We Are Infinite"

Hello everyone, happy Thursday from The Tagline! Today I'm going to talk about a film I wasn't really interested in, watched with disinterest, and didn't enjoy in any way shape or form. The internet made a big enough noise about this film that I thought "hey, it's a shortish movie, I can spare the time to watch it. Maybe it'll be charming right?" Well I found myself thoroughly un-charmed. Let's see if I can piece this together for you in a way that might make some sense. The Perks of Being a Wallflower is a film based of the best-selling novel of the same name. I have not read that book, but having seen this movie I am not inspired to go pick it up. The film stars Logan Lerman (or as I like to think of him, Percy Jackson) as Charlie, an incoming high school freshman introvert, who thinks that no one sees him and gets picked on and is sensitive and intelligent BLA BLA BLA. Gosh that's the most original premise for fiction EVER, I'm sure I've never heard that exact story a million times. Now I'll grant you, that isn't an instant mark against the movie. If it shows us something interesting, does something novel, then a rote premise can be fine. Sadly this story isn't that. Charlie is taken in by two outcast seniors, who let him into their little misfit club, they all have wacky adventures and make precious high school memories, that's about then end of the story. Drama happens, Logan has SERIOUS HIGH SCHOOL problems, and then he learns that he's not okay, they're not okay, and that's okay. Or something. Charlie's guiding lights are Sam (Emma Watson, or her true identity, Hermione Granger) and Patrick (Ezra Miller). Supporting cast includes Nina Dobrev as Charlie's sister (She being best known as Elena Gilbert on the CW television show The Vampire Diaries).

Wreck-It Ralph

Looks like John C. Reilly to me. Giant fists and all.

"Get ready for a new kind of hero."

Hey y'all, welcome to the Tuesday edition of The Tagline! I finally got to the movies to see Wreck-It Ralph, so I want to give my immediate impressions and feelings about it, while the movie is still fresh in my mind. Wreck-It Ralph Stars John C. Reilly (did anyone else like Walk Hard? I thought it was funny in a really intensely stupid way) as Ralph, the bad guy in his game, Fix-it Felix. Ralph is sick of living in the dump while Felix (Jack McBrayer, best known for his role in 30 Rock as NBC Page Kenneth Parcell) is showered in medals and accolades. In an attempt to turn his fortunes around, Ralph goes to the modern shooter game Hero's Duty, where he's heard he could get a medal himself (settling a bet he made with one of the supporting characters of his game). This doesn't go the way Ralph hoped, and he ends up blasting off into the world of go-cart racer Sugar Rush, where he meets the diminutive and annoying Vanellope Von Schweetz (played by Sarah Silverman, a funny lady who I am both attracted to and legitimately scared of). Ralph unfortunately trails a cybug from Hero's Duty into the world of Sugar Rush, and that is... well not good, because those bugs are real bad. Sergeant Calhoun follows after the bug (Jane Lynch, probably best known currently as Sue Sylvester on the TV show Glee) to try and stop its rampage.

Top 5 CGI Family Movies

Hey everybody, welcome to a special Saturday edition of The Tagline! Wreck-it Ralph is currently in theaters, and while I still haven't seen it, I thought it would be nice to recount some of my favorite computer animated films that Disney now almost certainly owns the rights to, having purchased virtually every film company in existence (Ok that's not true and some of these are not Disney movies but so what). So on that note, let's go to the board with the:

My 5 Favorite CGI Family Films
(That I totally didn't tear up at the end of)

Sorcerer's Apprentice

Nicholas Cage's biography.

"It's The Coolest Job Ever."

I agree tagline, being Nicholas Cage would be the coolest job ever! I wish I could be a rich person for acting literally insane all day long. Anyway welcome to The Tagline! Today I am going to talk about the Sorcerer's Apprentice, a movie that as a concept is patently ridiculous, but was still enjoyable. Starring Nicholas Cage as the sorcerer in question, Balthazar Blake, this film follows a socially awkward physics power nerd named Dave Stutler (Dave Baruchel, who lent his voice to the portrayal of  Hiccup in How to Train Your Dragon) who leads a mundane college life after a bizarre run-in with Balthazar when he was a little kid. This existence is ended however when the evil sorcerer (and Balthazar's former BFF) Horvath (Alfred Molina, you know, Dr. Octopus!) is released from an urn that he was trapped in (with Balthazar, don't make me explain watch the movie). The two are both interested in Dave because he is some special dude who is destined to inherit Merlin's power (a little backstory, Balthazar and Horvath were both Merlin's pupils, along with a lady, they both had the hots for her, she went Cage, DUH and then Horvath betrayed them all and joined Morgana, who is an evil bitch, OBVIOUSLY), including his magic ring, which Horvath wants to use to release Morgana from a magic prison, do some really dark magic, take over the world etc. In short he is not a very nice guy.

12 Monkeys

Prepare for something FRENCH

"They're Coming."

Hey everyone, it's Tuesday, and I'm finally back for real! I have working lights and everything, so I thought that it was time for a celebration. I celebrate things by reviewing or watching Bruce Willis movies. So today I thought I'd pick pretty much the weirdest one I can think of, and talk about Twelve Monkeys. I mentioned that Looper kind of reminded me of this movie, even though it was only because their messages were so different, but there is a similar kind of structure to them. Twelve Monkeys was made in 1995, based on a French short film shot in the 1960s. It stars Bruce Willis as James Cole, a convicted criminal living in a post-apocalyptic future, where an engineered virus has forced the remains of human civilization underground. In this future, scientists have developed an imprecise form of time travel, and in order to try and earn a pardon, Cole is sent into the past, to try and gather information about the virus, and if possible obtain a sample of the original so a cure might be made. The virus is believed to have been released by a terrorist organization known as the Army of the Twelve Monkeys, and with that vague information to go on Cole is sent first to 1990, and then to 1996 around when the virus was supposed to have been released.