The Top 5 Worst Bruce Willis Movies

Welcome to the weekend everyone! I decided that, given my history of praising movies starring Bruce Willis, it would only be right and fair to also highlight the worst movies he has ever made. Given that Mr. Willis has a career spanning some 30+ years of serious movie making, there are bound to be a few stinkers mixed in there right? Yeah, big time. So without further delay!

The Top 5 Worst Bruce Willis Movies

Premium Rush

JGL On a Bike: The Movie

"Ride Like Hell"

Welcome back to the Tagline! Today I'm going to be talking about the second movie I saw last week: Premium Rush. I honestly saw this movie as a bit of a lark. I'm not sure if it's just me, but it seems like everyone is up JGLs ass lately (especially the fangirls) and it's starting to wear on my nerves. That being said, I was pleasantly surprised. Despite its somewhat unusual premise, Premium Rush was actually very engaging and entertaining from beginning to end. If I were a complete tool, I'd probably describe it as "A white knuckle thrillride that will leave you on the edge of your seat." Fortunately I am not that big of a tool, so I'm not going to say any of that senseless shit. What I will say is that this movie is just like the lunatic cyclists in it. There is not an ounce of fat to it, it is all business from the time it starts until the credits roll.

The Possession

Based on a true story that someone made up.

"Fear The Demon That Doesn't Fear God"

Welcome back to the Tagline, this weekend I got to the movies not once, but twice, and so I'll be treating you to two current movies this week. First up is The Possession, a horror movie about a little girl who gets a box. A very bad box. Well the box isn't bad, but the horrible body stealing, soul eating demon inside is pretty bad. The movie stars Jeffrey Dean Morgan as Clyde (Most recently you might remember him in The Losers, a movie I will probably talk about at some point, or as the Comedian in The Watchmen), a not very good dad (not a new role to him if you have seen Supernatural) whose daughter Em (Natasha Calis) buys a wooden box at a yard sale. A wooden box with a malicious Hebrew demon inside it. Kyra Sedgewick plays Clyde's stupid ex-wife who blames everything bad in the movie on him (actually his older sister does too, but I forgive her a little more on account of she's a tween). The demon is trying to possess Em, and Clyde goes to great lengths to try and stop it.

The Worst of Nicolas Cage

Welcome to the weekend everyone, it's time for another special post from the Tagline! Today I thought I would deal with a very serious subject this weekend, bring it down a notch, and so I'm going to be talking about Nicolas Cage. Mr. Cage has wooed and wowed us over the years, as a variety of crazy people, doing very strange things. Sometimes however, those crazy people are not wowing or wooing. Sometimes they are just crazy people. Over the years the frequency of the latter category seems to have increased, and we have all begun to suspect I think that these are not characters at all, but simply Nicolas Cage, in real life. Without further ado, I give you!

THE Top 5 Worst Roles of Nicolas Cage

The Book of Eli

The future's so bright, I have radiation poisoning.

"Some will kill to have it. He will kill to protect it."

Welcome back to the tagline! Today I will as promised deliver another heaping dose of the post-apocalypse, this time talking about 2010's The Book of Eli. Set 30 years after a nuclear apocalypse, The Book of Eli follows the eponymous main character Eli (Denzel Washington), as he makes his way towards the west coast of the former U.S. in an attempt to deliver a book he has somewhere safe, after a voice told him to do so. This book is apparently of grave significance. He is not the only person who is aware of its apparent importance however, and he runs into trouble when Carnegie (Gary Oldman) becomes aware of the book and tries to take it by force.

Cop Out

Tracy Morgan is not acting. Ever. He believes the crazy things
that he says.

"Rock Out with your Glock Out."

Hey everybody, today as promised I'll be relapsing into old habits, and talking about Cop Out, a buddy cop parody with Bruce Willis, starring opposite Tracy Morgan. I'll also be continuing a yarn from an earlier post, when I talk about what a piece of shit I think Mark Wahlberg is. First let's talk about Cop Out though. Released in early 2010, Cop Out features Tracy Morgan and Bruce Willis as long time partners Paul and Jimmy, suspended after failing to capture a suspect and causing a neighborhood shootout, culminating in them beating a kid up. Wanting to pay for his daughter's wedding so as to not be shown up by his ex-wife's new husband (played by Jason Lee) Jimmy tries to sell an extremely valuable baseball card, but it is stolen in the process (by Sean William Scott). Paul and Jimmy attempt to recover it, leading them on a winding path that isn't remotely important to your enjoyment of the movie. The plot is supposed to be silly and pointless, parodying the types of cop action movies that Willis himself frequently acted in in the past. This didn't fly with critics too well though, who found the movie 'desperate for laughs' with 'cliched, stale gags, and slack pacing'.

The Worst Of Videogame Movies: Part 2

I just couldn't let this priceless shot go to waste.

Ah, weekend at last! As promised, I return to the table for another helping of movie adaptations of video game franchises that make me want to throw up. Having exposed the most repulsive examples of this category from the 1990s, we now move into the 21st century, to find that, while attitudes may be changing, and effects may be improving, the situation is ultimately no better. To the contrary, I am firm in my belief that the top of this list is actually the absolute worst that the genre has to offer (other than Double Dragon, that movie was fucking awful). It's worth mentioning that I will not be including the resident evil movies on this list. I've already talked about them in the past and... frankly I don't trust myself to talk about them without having some sort of rage blackout. Back to the subject! I give you, with increasing horror: