Jack Black: A Retrospective

So I'd been trying to come up with some ideas for posts to make on Saturday. I didn't want to just do a third review a week, I wanted it to be something different, while keeping it entertaining, and relevant. I couldn't come up with anything like that, but I did notice that Jack Black appears in the background of a lot of movies, or as some relatively minor character and so instead of something less stupid I give you:

JACK BLACK: A RETROSPECTIVE

I'm going to start in the past, and work in a generally forward direction!

I theorize that at that time he was ACTUALLY living in
the sewers.

Demolition Man: As mentioned in the review of Demo Man, Jack black appears very briefly when Stallone ventures into the sewers. He has exactly one line, and points a gun. This was probably the greatest moment of his life up to that point. He got to be near people who mattered and shout YEAH.

Niiiice unibrow bro. Very threatening.

The Neverending Story III: Yes, that's right. There was a third Neverending Story movie. This movie was produced in 1994, a solid four years after the second movie, and much as the second film featured none of the original talent from the first movie, this movie featured none of the talent from the second. There could be a lot of reasons for that, not the least of which was probably that the kid who played Bastian was too old by then (Jonathan Brandis, also notably of Chuck Norris-Karate Kid knockoff Sidekicks and the early 90s tv show Seaquest 2032). At any rate they had to settle for Jason James Richter, who you may know as the kid from the Free Willy movie and together he and Jack Black starred in a movie that was a total train wreck.

For almost half a decade he didn't bathe.

Waterworld: Jack Black apparently never let an opportunity to play a dirty guy slip by him! In Kevin Costner's post-apocalyptic cinema money pit, Jack Black was a pilot for the Smokers, who were the water equivalent of the go-gangs in the Road Warrior. He had a few lines, flew an airplane with a captain hat, and looked dirty. There isn't a ton else to say.



Bio-Dome: Yes, that's right gang. Bio-Dome. I'm not going to tell you what Bio-Dome is about, because it is a Pauly Shore movie. Jack Black appears, alongside his best bro KG performing a song about saving trees I guess. This marks the historic first appearance of The D in cinema. And yes they are billed as Tenacious D. Here, see for yourself.

Legendary.

Mars Attacks!: If you remember this movie you might remember that the wienery, typical 90s loser kid who featured prominently in it had a brother. This brother was as bright as a rock, and was later vaporized on television for his parents to watch. I found a clip that ends with that moment, and I want you to savor it the way I did. We salute you, G.I. Jack! For those of you somehow not familiar with this one, it is a movie about Mars... attacking.

The Jackal: The Jackal was a Richard Gere/Bruce Willis movie featuring Gere as an IRA sniper tapped to try and help identify a professional assassin known only as "The Jackal (that's Willis) who is attempting to assassinate they think the FBI Director but actually someone else. Jack Black is a guy that makes an automated turret for the Jackal's autocannon, which he then uses to kill Jack Black, in a scene too great to not share.

I Still Know What You Did Last Summer:  The second film in the franchise, this movie saw Jennifer Love-Hewitt and Freddy Prinze Jr. reprise their roles as murder bait for some psycho, alongside pop somethingsomething Brandy. Here our good friend Jack portrayed a sort of rasta, island stoner, and once again finds himself coming to a grisly end. Gotta break that pattern Jack.

Which brings us just about to the era of Tenacious D (the tv show) which more or less marked the end of Jack Black being a bit player. He went on to play supporting roles in High Fidelity and Saving Silverman, and was the leading man in Shallow Hal opposite Gwyneth Paltrow (In a great big fat suit). What we can take away from this is: Even if he is often in things that are, let's face it, just plain bad, no one can deny that Jack Black was a hard worker. From the look of his filmography, he never turned down a job, and I think I can at least respect that. Also I'm not going to lie to you guys, I thought Year One was kind of funny. Now that I feel bad about myself, I can end this stirring tribute. Tune in Tuesday when I talk about Conan the Boredarian, and anticipate my reaction to the remake of Total Recall.

Face Facts, the man is a genius.